It's been quite awhile since I've posted.  I've committed myself to telling all about my struggles and triumphs in the new year, mainly my life long struggle with an eating disorder.  It's time to release the beast.  It's late and I'm struggling .  I will write more tomorrow.

Back in the Loop

So in my continuing effort to live like I have no pain, I have now gone out past 9 pm 2 weekends in a row.  Woo Hoo!  It's nice to be around people.  Good music, good conversation and good ole people watching.  No one sees I'm really in tons of pain, and I like that.  Having a conversation that does not reference my health is pretty refreshing.  This is my Fake it till you Make it experience.  Even though I was pretty much a hermit for 3 years I surprisingly still know quite a few people out and about.  I think I should make a habit of going out at night at least once a week.  And by night I mean out past 9 pm.

I'm also now trying to live!  Really Live!  I hitched a ride on the back of a motorcycle the other day with and old friend.  It was exhilarating!  We may have gone over 100 mph a time or two, maybe.  I'm not saying I'm going to start toying with my life, I just want to do something crazy to remind me that I am tough.  Next on the list, airplane acrobatics.  Yes really, I know someone who does this.

This summer I did some traveling.  Most of my close friends live far away from me, so getting away for a few days and seeing a new city with an old friend was just what the doctor ordered.  I plan to keep up this "travel therapy" as long as I can.  My body may be saying "Oh Hell No", but my heart and head are saying "Oh Hell Yeah"!

I can't predict what is next for my body, but I can try to live life to the fullest.  Life is pain and I'm choosing to suck it up and carry on.

Back to Reality

Back to the Doctors.  Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.  My summer of blissful ignorance is over.  It was time for some more material for my waiting room stand up anyway.  :)

Vent

Gotta vent.  There are few phrases that make me cringe more than "must be nice".  Assuming that you know anything about another humans life experiences and then making a snide comment when they have any happiness is just hateful.  Think before you speak.  We all have our blessings and we all have our curses.  Some you can see, others you can't.  I'm traveling a lot this summer, because I can.  I'm choosing to ignore all health issues and just take time for me.  I've spent too much time stuck at home because I "can't move".  You can't tell by looking at me what I've been through and I can't tell by looking at you.  I'm not looking for pity.  Just think before you decide that another human being does not deserve there own bit of happiness.  That is all. 

Long Time No Blog

I've been neglecting my blog.  Time to get back.  So, last month I made the very unwise decision that I would stop taking all my pain meds.  Cold Turkey.  Just threw them away.  Bad idea.  My hair was turning to straw and I thought if this is whats happening on the outside of my body, what are these drugs doing to the inside?  Needless to say, 2 days after quiting all meds, I was coming out of my skin.  I was rocking in my bed, crying and generally freaking the hell out.  I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.  Didn't really see the connection to the meds until I spoke with my doctor.  I was placed on a medication to help me through the with drawls and then I was able to taper off of that medicine.  I have since switched up my meds to less powerful ones.  I have more energy now, but it's like nervous energy.  My legs and arms feel like they are crawling.  I'm stir crazy.  The pain is the same, I just don't want to depend on a medication like that again.  Life is pain, I keep telling myself that.  Life is pain.  I don't really see it as a bad thing.  Pain stops when you are dead.  I plan on sticking around. 

J O B

It's been quite awhile since I've blogged.  I have much more to tell.  But now for some good news.  I got a JOB!  I feel like a contributing member of society.  It's perfect for me.  2 days a week and a couple of hours a day.  I'm an on air host for a local channel that will air local films by local filmmakers.  It airs Thursday nights at on KLWB at 8pm.  Right up my alley.  The first show airs this Thursday, April 14th.  They can work around my issues if needed. 

Interesting Article

http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2011/02/23/mind-body-inside-chronic-fatigue/?hpt=C2